The world of sexting can be a difficult one to navigate. With endless combinations of words, pictures, and videos, a person is left with their imagination and sexual prowess (or lack there of) to skillfully orchestrate a racy arrangement. Think music; some prefer the intense sound of heavy metal, while others prefer playful pop tunes. So today, I share some guidelines to help keep your sexting in tune.
- Understand repercussions. Whether it’s picture or words, it’s important to understand that once you hit send you lose control. A new boyfriend may soon be an ex-boyfriend, so be selective with sexy texting. There’s always a chance that other eyes may see what you send, or in the event of a nasty dissolution, something becomes public. Consider potential consequences before you get crazy with the digital turn-on talk.
- Know your audience. If you’re dating somebody whose idea of wild sex involves the missionary position on a bed in the dark, you’re going to want to keep things pretty tame, initially. If your partner prefers the use of hot wax and hair pulling, you can assume you have leeway for some less subtle verbiage. Kinky shit should be reserved for kinky individuals. You can’t see the reactions on the other side of that screen, so play it safe unless you’re certain of a persons capacity to comfortably handle what you’re ready to dish. Nothing worse than cringing in response to a picture intended to be a turn-on. Which leads me to my next guideline…
- Just say “no” to genitalia. For whatever reason, some people seem to assume that porno-style close-up imagery is the go-to for graphic sexting. I assure you, it’s not. You’re most likely not a model for Hustler, so keep your undercarriage covered. Here’s the deal…you want to keep things edgy without being raunchy. Catch a picture of a sexy curve or some cleavage, but leave out the labia. Suggestive is best.
- Hide behind humor. If you’re new to this whole thing and you’re giving things a trial run, use humor to help adjust to the topic at hand. Like sex, it’s important not to take yourself too seriously, or what’s the point. It’s supposed to be enjoyable. It’s ok to say something ridiculous to get your digit-pushing partner to smile. And when auto-spelling messes up your best message yet, let it slide with a funny follow-up.
- Avoid overdoing it. There are some things better left unsaid. Take to sexting tactfully. Suave and sexy messages will beat blatant or vulgar verbiage every time. Think of sexting as poetry. And when your partner asks for more, detail your deepest desires in a pleasantly put message. But know that at some point, it must end. Only continue as long as you feel it, don’t force it.
- Let your physical relationship rule. Sexting can be fun for a couple trying to spice things up. It’s a good way to keep the spark extra sparkly. Having said that, it’s not a good method of building up to a physical relationship. To playfully hint or suggest your intentions is A-OK. But if you’ve never even kissed and you’re sexting, you may have put the cart before the horse and put your privacy in a compromising position. Allow your bodily contact to cultivate the sexting only when you’re in a trusting and long-term relationship. And always remember that things will only thrive via touch. A phone may communicate but it won’t get the job done.
The mysterious melody of passion is unique for every couple…or small group if you’re into that. Some can belt the national anthem with the best of them, while others passively sing solo in the shower. But we can all appreciate a little musical expression so strike up the band and hit some naughty notes. The beat should carry you and your partner in and out of the bedroom, so compose a concerto or ding a cowbell. You’ll find a rhythm to roll with and you can get your sexting groove on.