Let’s be honest. Married sex is generally way different from dating or single sex. There’s no intentional shift to boredom, but typically with marriage comes an array of new stresses. Bills, your home, kids…the ravenous appetite for affectionate touching sometimes subsides or takes a back seat to other responsibilities. And that’s normal. But like anything in life, having a great sex life when you’re married might take a little work. Follow my top 6 tips to spice up your marital bedroom meanderings.
- Put in on your schedule. This is not a joke. If you don’t set aside time, it may not happen at all. And while it may seem less-than-romantic, scheduling sex like a meeting is a sure-fire way to stay on top of things…if you know what I mean. Select 1 weekly rhomp with your partner, and commit to knocking boots whether you feel inclined or not. Once you get into the swing of things, you might find your appetite revived and asking for more.
- Initiate intimacy. It’s hard to get things going without some intimacy…or maybe not hard is more accurate. As you approach your married sex session, or if you’re just feeling frisky, dive into some dirty talk, seductive kisses, or gropey grabbing (this is my husband’s go-to). Getting the literal juices flowing demands a little skin-on-skin contact. Take the bull by the horns, then ride it.
- Try a new trick. Sex and advice columns are rampant on the internet and in magazine pages. Trying something new is as easy as doing a few minutes of research, and apply your knowledge. You can even get ideas from friends. By the time you’re married, you should know your partners preferences but there are always fun things to try. And you never know, your trick might become a new favorite. Go for it.
- Plan a sexy surprise. It doesn’t take much time or effort to deliver a sexy surprise. Snap a picture of yourself scantily clad, or welcome your partner home in your birthday suit. Think ahead and when things feel stale inject a little spontaneity and excitement. The splash of spice will wake up those taste buds and bring about some fabulous flavors.
- Do foreplay first. Jumping right into the deed can be convenient and time-saving, but sex isn’t about efficiency. It’s about ecstasy. Take your time. Slow down the start. Venture into territories unknown and explore. Your partner will dig it, and potentially return the favor. Don’t overlook foreplay. Think of it as the chips and spicy salsa at a Mexican restaurant. You can never have too much.
- Talk about it. Dialogue does wonders for a sexual relationship. Express frustrations when you’re not getting enough. Discuss things that are pleasurable and things you’re not a big fan of. Give directions in the midst of doing the deed. Take your experience into your own hands by having open conversations meant to coach one another. Then score a 10 in the sack.
Most of us enjoy being married to our partners (if you don’t, might be time to address that). But the heat from initially passionate flames can wane. The zest of newness fades. And the spice can disappear almost entirely for periods of time. Keep things interesting and fun and spicy, and your relationship will flourish.